POOR LITTLE EVE!

by Professor Revilo P. Oliver (Liberty Bell, December 1987)

AS I HAVE so often remarked in these pages, Christianity is being stripped of the Western veneer that made it acceptable to our superstitious ancestors, and, given the frantic excitation of religious fanaticism by our enemies at the present time, that is a phenomenon of prime importance. It was for that reason that I wasted an hour or two in looking through 576 closely printed pages of enthusiastic rant by one E. G. White, entitled America in Prophecy (s.l.& a. [1987?]). According to the publisher, who modestly conceals his name, location, and the date of his printing, (1) this paperback is a "#1 Best Seller" and a "fine Audio-Visual Production" (whatever that is intended to mean).
 
 
 

(1. A note at the end says that single copies may be obtained for $4.95 + $1.00 from AVP Retail Marketing Services, P.O.Box 386, Jemison, Alabama.)

 
 

In such a book one expects to admire the wonderful ingenuity of theologians' imaginations and their dexterity in arranging words to create illusions in the consciousness of gullible readers. From this one I learn, for example, that for 1260 years after Christianity was peddled to ignorant Aryans, the religion was entirely under the control of Satan, whose principal agent on earth was the Pope and whose principal instrument was the Roman Catholic Church, which kept the Holy Book and Salvation out of the hands of laymen. That's why so many millions of Roman Catholics are now turning on the spit in the eternal barbeque that Satan is running somewhere underground for inexplicable purposes of his own. All this Satanic capture of Christianity was explicitly foretold by Daniel et al., but Jesus and his daddy evidently paid no attention in time to prevent it, and after it happened, they twiddled their thumbs for 1260 years before giving some wights a secret nudge to become Protestants and redeem Christianity from Satanic occupation. The author, nevertheless, admires and worships his indolent and furtive gods.

I note one theological problem of great importance in these days of rampant feminism. Old Jesus, it seems, is going to shake the lead out of his nightgown pretty soon and get busy. Instead of covertly stirring up volcanoes or setting off earthquakes every once in a while to kill thousands of people and give them a hint he isn't dozing all of the time, he will, for the first time since his dad begat him, take direct action. He will come back to earth to set up his righteous dictatorship with a big bang.

He'll land, of course, in Jerusalem, the center of the universe, and there he will sit on "a throne, high and lifted up...far above the city on a foundation of burnished gold." He will raise from the dead all the righteous who have lived since his papa first made talking anthropoids.

That enormous throng is sure to jam the narrow streets of Jerusalem, but the greatest of the resurrected is naturally given a place next to the boss. He is Adam, of course, and "he is of lofty height and majestic form, in stature but little below the Son of God." As I imagine him from the description, he will resemble the young German warriors whose physical excellence so astonished the Jews' janissaries when they were stampeded against Germany in 1939-1945.

Now there is a profound soteriological problem in this vivid scene, from which Eve, the recycled rib that had such an appetite for apples and knowledge, is most dramatically and emphatically absent. Is she being fried by some of Satan's imps in his cavernous realm underground?

The apple-woman, who is called Eve in English Bibles, Eua in the Greek of the "New Testament," Zoe in the Septuagint, and in Hebrew HWH (which is pronounced Chevvah in most theological seminaries), was undoubtedly, according to "inerrant" Holy Writ, the first of her sex and the ancestress of all the billions of females who came after her. Women today must feel an absorbing concern over her fate.

Since the resurrected Adam has evidently forgotten his temptress, there are only two alternatives: either poor Eve is going to spend eternity on a red-hot griddle or she was just an animal anyway and was not resurrected because she had no more soul than quadruped bitches. The latter is, of course, a view that turns up now and then in religions derived from the Jews. It is implied in the Apocalypse included in the "New Testament," which tells us that after Jesus has busted up the whole universe (including the hundreds of galaxies that are millions of light years away), he will create a brand new earth for himself and his pets, 144,000 male homosexual Jews, who will naturally have no use for nasty females.

Some of the Fathers of Church held that females have no souls, but their misogyny was restrained by their perception of how much property was in the possession of widows, and of how easily women can be detached from their property by spiritual things. The Fathers accordingly invented the doctrine that females who have piously given their all for Jesus and his salesmen will, when they die, be miraculously equipped with male sexual organs by old Jesus so that he can give them souls and thus qualify them for admission to an all-male Heaven. And the orthodox doctrine of Islam teaches that women have no souls and so cannot survive to afflict their husbands after death. (2)
 
 
 

(2. A variant doctrine is less kind: women have souls, but all of them will go to Hell and suffer eternally, except four, who, by a special dispensation from the Prophet, have been admitted to Heaven. How they get along with the houris is not stated.)
 

 
 

We have here a neat illustration of the psychic difference between Jews and Semites. Jews could be content with an all-male Heaven. The Semites have faith that Allah will fill Paradise with troops of houris, created for the delectation of True Believers. Now a houri (Arabic huriyah, 'black-eyed maiden') is an exquisitely and perfectly beautiful damsel, with fair complexion and black hair and eyes, who is exempt from all the physical defects and temperamental deficiencies of mortal women, is continuously eager to please a man in whatever way his whims suggest, and is miraculously restored to virginity after every dalliance with him. What is more, there is an unlimited supply of houris, and every man in Heaven may have as many as he wants.

This arrangement will not appeal to my feminine contemporaries, but I think even they will agree that if a male Aryan has to choose between the Judaeo-Christian and the Moslem heavens, there cannot be any possible doubt about which a man will elect. Allahu akbar!
 
 

This article originally appeared in Liberty Bell magazine, published monthly by George P. Dietz from September 1973 to February 1999. For reprint information please write to Liberty Bell Publications, Post Office Box 21, Reedy WV 25270 USA.

Copyright ©2001 Kevin Alfred Strom.  Back to Revilo P. Oliver Index